not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
