Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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