Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
