This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
