If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
