Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
