im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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