roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
