Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
