before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
