i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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