nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
