Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
