hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
