Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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