You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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