So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
