Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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