everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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