no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
