laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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