The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
