one two three fourrrrnication!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
