please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
