Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
