guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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