i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
being pregnant is like rehab
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
