i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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