dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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