apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
