I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
