listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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