Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm too high and old for this...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
