best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
