I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
