I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
