Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
