just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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