You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
