He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
