Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
