Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wear drunk well.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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