My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
