I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
