If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
