mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
