hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
