i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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