He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
