all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
