what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Girls should come with a carfax report
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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